Things to do instead of staring at your phone

  • build an effigy of a phone and light it on fire
  • laboriously drag a bike up a hill and then ride it back down REALLY FAST well out of cell service
  • read a child a book
  • build something beautiful and pointless
  • hang signs from a nearby overpass that say “THIS SIGN IS NOT MONITORING ANY OF YOU”
  • go outside and scream until you’re hoarse. when people at work ask how you lost your voice, tell them “attempting to steal my soul back from Mark Zuckerberg’s vampiric horde”
  • paint a mandala on an intersection near your house
  • make a human-scale sandwich board that says “have a great day!” and stand near an on ramp with a good diversity of political signage, waving cheerfully to people
  • walk through your local downtown, and interview people with a paper-towel-roll microphone. ask them what they’re grateful for. then ask them what’s the pettiest thing they’ve done all week was. bonus points if you enlist a friend to film you with a shoebox
  • sew a beanbag, fill it with rice you haven’t made in your instant pot, and throw it at the wall. harder.

I’m going to go light something on fire. Have a good night! Stay off your phone!

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